Oh Tinder

 

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This summer has been quite entertaining to be honest. Nonetheless, about a month ago, I guess I decided a little more entertainment, on those occasional long days of summer, couldn’t hurt (wrong). Those days when everyone else was working, reading didn’t keep my full attention, naps started to bore me, nothing good was on TV, I’d already posted nine times on IG, and my work out class didn’t start for another five hours, Tinder to the rescue. The first few days it was kind of fun. I likened it to playing a video game (although I’m not a huge video game player). Swipe left. Swipe left. Left again. Now right! OK.  I see you. It’s a match! And the next time you’re bored, you play your video game some more. Unfortunately (for me) the novelty of Tinder wore off …real fast. This shit ain’t fun no more.

Why Tinder’s No Longer Fun:

  1. I’m convinced a significant number of people are just curious to know who thinks they’re nice looking. I say this because I have numerous matches in my Tinder log at the moment. These are clearly guys I thought were handsome or kinda cute; guys who must have thought I was at least ok looking. We both swiped right…and that was it! No, greeting, No messages. No nothing. Was I supposed to send a greeting message or something? (Cause I didn’t.) Well, on the bright side, at least I know about 100 (exaggerated number but you get my point) guys from the DMV area think I’m cute. And that’s just so fucking fulfilling. (Sarcasm inserted).
  2.  Tinder definitely has quantity, but I’m not yet convinced it has much to offer me at this time. From the guy who just wants a smoking partner, to the guy who refers to himself as a “freelance gynecologist”, to the guy who referred to me as “cocoa puff” (what the) to the self-proclaimed “cunning linguist” , I think I’m good. Oh and how could I forget the guys who post print pics and almost nudes ? So you’re just all up on the app with your dick out ? in my Kevin Hart voice. I revised my profile to expedite the weeding out process. Matches and messages got dry almost instantaneously.
  3. Tinder doesn’t encourage or inspire  me to be open-minded. My tinder apathy could have a lot to do with everything mentioned in point #2 in my defense. You live 20 miles away?  Too far. Nope. Why you got those silly looking shorts on? Nope. Duck lips? On a dude? Fuck nah. Four kids? As in 4? Nope! I could legit be “Noping” a small (very, very, very small) percentage of quality people on petty technicalities.  But let me check to see how many fukks I give and get back to you on that.

There’s definitely more I can talk about, like the married/involved guys posturing as eligible bachelors. But I think that may deserve a post all of its own. It’s said that  anything you want, you have to work hard for it. But my spirit tells me this is some foolishness and I shouldn’t have to work this hard. I mean, it’s not work work, but it is annoying. And  I equate annoying to hard work. So I think I’ll close my summer out meeting people more organically. (That reminds me, I’m gonna be late for Happy Hour if I don’t hurry up). In the interim, I think I’ll be taking a step back from Tinder for now. All things considered, I’m okay with that.

 

Signing off as A Girl Who Just Doesn’t Think Tinder’s For Her